By: Old Man Wade

The question of who is and isn’t a king or queen is a weird topic. “We all can’t be kings and queens.” Personally, I don’t get why this statement makes sense to anyone. There’s more than one ruler in the world. In my personal life, me and my wife hold our crowns and rule our kingdom together. My best friend and his wife do the same.

That brings us to Re’Becca’s idea of crowned ones. The title spoke to me immediately. We can all be kings and queens. It’s just a matter of maintaining our realms. Now, here’s the difficult part. The idea of balancing your crown is dope, but also not an easy task. 

We fight every day of our lives. Sometimes it’s physical. Everything from pain to other ailments can slow us down. You get into mental health issues and you’re dealing with something that can’t easily be fixed with Advil. We can look at Euphoria as a good example. Rue’s depression got so bad that she didn’t want to get out of bed. I’ve been there myself. You can get so down on yourself that you can feel chained chained to your bed. The sense of hopelessness is a feeling a lot of us deal with. It’ll make you feel like you don’t know how to continue. While I’m getting better as time passes, it’s still a struggle. Thankfully, I’ve found ways to keep my crown balanced. Among them is keeping the right people around you. 

Keeping the right company

What’s the old phrase? “He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.” In life, we’re going to come across childhood friends who grow closer and then sometimes grow apart. You eventually become an adult and meet people that you get close to in a short amount of time. Both of these are scary. We’ve all stayed in relationships that are bad for us because you went through things together. I’m currently rereading the Injustice comic book. Harley Quinn spoke about the Joker and what he meant to her. Harley knew Joker was bad for her, but wouldn’t leave him because not being with him scared her more. After he died, Harley became a better person. Yes, this is fictional. However, within this fictional story is a lot of truth. 

I had a friend growing up. He was my best friend. In some ways, I looked up to him. He struggled a lot but always seemed to make his life better. Later, things happened between us that caused us to drift apart. I went left, he went right. That separation helped me evolve as a person. I became closer to people I’m lucky enough to call my brothers and sisters. My thinking changed as well. Thankfully, I made the right choice. I couldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t make the decision to be around positive people. That goes for family too.

Family Can Hurt You As Well

People think that because someone is related to you by blood that this gives them permanent access to your life. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Your relatives can have a direct effect on the person you are and who you will later become. They can mold you into a positive person or attribute to your downward spiral. I’ve been vocal on the idea of distancing yourself from toxic family members. When I had to do it for the first time, it hurt. What’s more interesting about this is it was my grandmother who put the idea in my head. 

Alcoholism is a real thing that can be past on to your children. When I turned 21 and started to drink, my grandmother told me about the demon in my blood. Since then, I’ve made it a point to monitor my drinking. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for everyone. When the people in my family started getting nasty, I did my best to try and help them with their demons. After trying for years, my grandmother sat me down. She reminded me that I had my own life to live. If someone isn’t willing to put the work in their recovery and they’re hurting you in the process, then you have to think about yourself. It’s not selfish. You can’t help anyone if you’re not helping yourself. Accept help from the ones you love

This is a lesson I still struggle with. No matter how many times my best friends tell me they’re here to help, I worry that I’m holding them back. My cohost and brother Javi reminds me almost weekly that he’s down to help me however he can. My best friend Lovell has always been there with a slap in the back of the head or a hug. Despite knowing their hearts, I still feel as if I’m not contributing enough. I’ve dropped everything and gone to help them. Nonetheless, my insecurities kick in and I start to feel like I’m not holding up my end. 

I end with this topic for a reason. No matter what’s going on outside, you have to take care of yourself. It sounds easy, but it isn’t. Getting over self-doubt takes time and effort. I’m going on a decade of therapy and it’s a topic that still plagues me. As time goes on, I can look back and see how far I’ve come. My brother Jeff said something to me when I first started acknowledging my self-worth. He said that I need to stop looking at how far I have left to climb and start looking at how far I’ve gone. My journey is far from over. However, I’ve climbed a long way. I’ve surpassed my expectations and I’m still moving. My wife always reminds me that she’s proud of who I am. My brother Fletcher does the same as well. I didn’t truly understand it until I noticed it myself. The journey of self reflection is an arduous one, but the rewards are immeasurable.

Keep your crown on straight or tilt with your own lean. You got this.

-Old Man Wade-


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1 Comment

  1. Dope article! Self worth is a good thing to develop and a lot of us haven’t taken time to. It also took a while to realize that people will come and go through life and that’s ok I find it akin to shedding skin to grow. Thanks again for sharing.

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